It has been a long while since my last post. I have been busy.
My son is now 2 1/2 and my daughter is a solid 5 years old. I am coming up on my 38th birthday.
Just over six years ago, I went into my new naturopath's office with the hopes of becoming pregnant, never imagining that I would soon be swimming (and sometimes drowning!) in my children's needs. It is a blessing beyond that which I can adequately describe. And it humbles me on a daily basis how this is the hardest job on earth.
While I could go into a long diatribe on the depths of my growth as I navigate the sometimes-stormy waters of parenting, and co-parenting and escape-from-parenting, but that's for another day.
Today I am writing about how it all changes so fast.
It all changes so fast. Nothing is permanent. No despair, no joy, no hope, no satisfaction. It all changes so fast.
Seven years ago, I was sure that I would never get pregnant and that I would never be blessed with a child. My husband and I had been trying for about two years with no results. The only results, actually, were a growing depression in the seat of my soul. I had a deep, core knowing that I was meant to be a mother. And then, of course, as if it was as easy as walking into Starbucks and ordering a latte, my best friend got pregnant before I did.
Something inside me snapped. I remember the evening well. We had visited my best friend and her husband around the time of my birthday, 2004, and after a rousing game of Quiddler, she handed me my birthday card. After reading through the usual sentiments, I noticed it was signed: "Jen, Michael and ?, due June 2005."
My heart hit the floor.
For the rest of the night I did everything I could to keep from bursting into tears, knowing of course, that the only "right" response to such an announcement was to be happy for my friend. (I know better now.)
I proceeded to cry for an entire weekend. It was the saddest I had ever been. I got up to go to work Monday morning and was afraid that I would cry right through Monday, too.
This story continues through my resignation from work (too much stress for me), the selling of our first home (too much stress for him), several trips to the naturopath for yin-building acupuncture treatments with a side of quantum touch healing and arrives at the birth of a beautiful little girl on July 24th, 2006.
It all changes so fast.
And so, my message to you today is not to despair. There is no hurt, no challenge, no seemingly-insurmountable mountain ahead of you that will not change with time. There is always someone who understands your journey. Take heart, know you are strong and that you are always supported by spirit on your journey.
