When I departed from myself

I had a session with my naturopath recently where we were examining shaming events in my past. I remembered that at the age of 11 or 12, when I started junior high school, I was subject to some bullying, along with a close friend of mine. It was an either/or, "sink or swim" scenario, where we either got in with the cool kids or were bullied further.

I wasn't going to sink, so I learned how to swim. This meant abandoning a part of myself to fit in. Unfortunately, it also meant abandoning my friend.

Before starting at this junior high school, I more or less had the opinion that I was alright. That I was enough. But the rules changed at the new school, and you weren't alright unless __________. There were conditions, and I learned them. I'm quite sure I left a bit of myself behind there.

Twenty-six years later, I am on a continuing quest to reclaim the parts of myself that I left behind. I would like to feel that I am enough. That there are no conditions for my okayness.

With a family that now includes a husband and two young children, this is a bit of a tall order. But for thirteen years now, I've been on a conscious spiritual journey and I know this for sure: where there is knowing, there is intention, where there is intention, there is movement, where there is movement, there is hope, and where there is hope, there is triumph.